dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
