Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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