No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
