I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
