My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
