I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
