Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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