I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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