Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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