My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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