I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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