Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
