Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
