TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
