ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
only if we run a train.
done.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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