I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
