I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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