Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
