i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
