My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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