I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
