There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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