Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
