So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
