Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
