she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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