im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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