Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
