so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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