paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
