I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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