I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
