just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
