My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
