Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
