6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel great
I just peed on a car
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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