He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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