I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
