just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
