I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
