so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
