Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
