Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
