Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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