The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
then he tried to convert me to islam
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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