You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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