I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We left the knife in your bed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
