According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
