They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we're so committed to being not committed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
