How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
