So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
