Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize