Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
