OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
