I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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